So…Happy New Year! As I write this, today is January 1, 2020. I have not written a blog since last March for a number of reasons but mostly because I lost my father on April 9, 2019. What I’ve learned is that you can’t really predict how you’ll handle a death. I thought I had it figured out as we had time to prepare. He had been diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer the previous spring; it was a long year in many ways, yet a short year in many ways as well. I’ll be honest, I feared and dreaded that my dad would succumb to bitterness and anger, something so many people faced with pain do. But he remained dignified and always looked strong while his body betrayed him. Even during his final days I thought we had another month with him.
My dad, less than a week before he passed away.
I was with him his final night. He had grown weaker and hospice supplied a hospital bed that evening at 8:30 to make him more comfortable and so I wouldn’t have to worry about him getting up in the middle of the night and falling. The last thing anyone wanted was for him to end up in the hospital. We had spent the previous day together indoors and then outdoors in the sunshine in the backyard. He talked about many things, I tried my best to alleviate his worries he had about those he was leaving behind. In any case, that final evening, I slept on the couch with the hospital bed nearby in the same room. I knew immediately something had happened. It was about 12:30 am and I got up, and saw he was peaceful with no pain in his face. He had passed. I kissed his brow and said, “Good job Dad.”
The next few days were a blur, but I was surrounded by loving family and friends who I am indebted to for their kindness and support.
I compiled photos and short stories and anecdotes dedicated to life and created a website for him: www.GilbertRSanchez.com. He was 84 years old.
After writing the above, and then reading what I wrote, I’ve taken a deep breath and know that 2020 is the year to move forward. Not necessarily to “let go”, but I have to confess that I’ve had this thought in the back of my mind that it would be disrespectful to be joyful and happy, but you know that is exactly what he would want for the ones he loves, for Sydney, for Carol, for all his family and friends, and of course for myself, so onto 2020 and creating that life he thinks I deserve.
A Couple of Things…
1. Last July, the day after my birthday, I adopted two senior dogs. They came as “Bambi” and “Lady” but I immediately dubbed them “Barney” and “Missy.” They are 11 and 12 years old respectively and Barny, the tan one, is a Shih Tzu Maltese mix and Missy is a Shih Tzu (she may have been a puppy mill dog, and I’m pretty certain Barney’s mother). I melt every time I open the door to these faces.
Barnie and Missy
2. I got a promotion at work! I’m a Management Technician, no longer a Secretary. That’s quite a title, right? I get to handle all the Engineering Capital Improvement Project files for Design. I make sure contracts, insurance, terms and payments are handled.
3. I will be traveling abroad this year with Linda. We are going to Italy. I got my passport a couple of weeks ago in the mail, we’re working with a travel agent to line up our flights and hotels but most importantly, I need to learn key phases such as “Where is the wine?”
Thank god for online translators, I now have the following phrase embedded in my mind, “Dov’e il vino?”
4. A couple of highlights from the past year were being asked to emcee shows: the Topa Mountain Music Fest at Libbey Bowl in Ojai, and the fundraiser for Tommy and Paddy Marsh at Oak and Main.
5. I spent Christmas in Ashland, Oregon, with Sydney Rose as she has to work (I have time I can take off), it’s super cute there, and home just reminds me too much that this is my first Christmas without my dad. We had a blast as always talking about everything under the sun, taking walks, playing backgammon and on Christmas we took in a movie (our tradition) at the local theater. We saw Bombshell and settled in with a tub of popcorn knowing that would be our dinner, but the butter flavored oil they used could not have been further from butter tasting if you tried. It was made out of soy which I guess Vegans would love. I had to move the tub two seats down so I couldn’t smell it anymore!
6. Back to Bombshell, the movie is about taking down Roger Ailes for sexual harassment at Fox News. We both really enjoyed it. Charlize Theron needs to be nominated for best actress portraying Megyn Kelly as well as Chalize’s make up artist. I didn’t even realize it was her until she spoke!
7. I would venture to say this is one of my top peeves: when listening to the personal recording of the person I want to leave a phone message for and they say, “I will get back to you at my earliest convenience.” I’ve even seen that in an automatic response on emails when the person is away from the office.
That’s just rude! You’re suppose to say, “I’ll get back to you as soon as I can” or something along those lines. The correct way to use the phrase is the other way around, “Please get back to ME at YOUR earliest convenience.” Of course, these folks could actually know what they’re saying and just be that rude! My Water Store has that greeting.
8. You know I’ve had my own music scene column in the Ventura Breeze newspaper for over five years, but I always get a kick when I get quoted every year in the VC Reporter
9. You’re not one of those people who thinks 2020 is the start of a new decade are you???
10. From my favorite quotes files: “Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” – Oprah Winfrey
Thanks for listening!
1. I kayaked for the first time thanks to my good friend Diana. She took me out in the Ventura Keys on a gorgeous calm morning recently. It’s a little cumbersome getting all the equipment together and launching these water crafts, but it’s great for the senses and helps tone those arms.
2. My father celebrated birthday #83 In October. Dinner at Aloha, a little jazz at Squashed Grapes, it was a good night. 🙂
3. I gave my father a copy of this photo in a frame for his birthday. Yeah, that’s me and dad on the far left, I must have been around 8 years old. An old friend from school came across it and sent it to me earlier this year. She’s next to me with her father, her name is Laura. What a treasure, no? Look at how geeky we look, and trust me, we worked hard at getting all dolled up like this. My mother is mostly to blame for the hairdo, however, the dress was all me.
4. Also in October, the Ventura Breeze celebrated their 10-year anniversary. Sheldon, the publisher, takes the staff out annually to help show his appreciation. I also celebrated my anniversary with the paper; Sheldon asked me if I would write a Ventura Music Scene column four years ago. Well he didn’t have to ask twice and I haven’t missed a single deadline either!
6. In September, I saw my first owl in the wild. It was sitting in a tree in the parking lot behind City Hall. He hung out for several weeks, but I haven’t seen him lately. I have to say, it was thrilling! I wish I had a better photo; I took this one with my cell phone camera. Many thanks to Derrick for bringing me out to see it. This has been crossed off my “to-do” list. #IDontBelieveInBucketLists
7. I mentioned surviving another birthday last time around, but I came across this photo and thought I’d share it. A quick toast: “Here’s to family and friends, missing friends, and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel great.”
9. Confession: I took part in Hands Across America. I had my bosses’ kids in the car with me (yeah I got suckered into babysitting for him) and I saw people lined up with a big ole’ gap in the line, so we all hopped out and took part on that day, a Sunday, May 25, 1986.
A Couple of Things... 